Breakdown
by schrijver
Summary: AU - Alice does not kill the Jabberwocky. (Some chapters will be rated M for graphic violence and strong language. English is not my first language. Sorry for any errors. I'm accepting help, too!)
1. Off With My Head!

Everyone has gathered just outside the castle walls. They wait nervously for Alice to make her decision. But it was already made. And it makes her tremble. The place is great, big white bedroom, quite comfortable and warm, courtesy of the White Queen. The young monarch was probably as nervous as her champion. The fate of her kingdom is at stake, after all. Today she could end up as a queen or a prisoner. That makes Alice even more nervous. And there is also the guilt, everywhere. She hadn't noticed how selfish she was being until yesterday, when she had that conversation with the Caterpillar.

_"I'm not stupid! My name is Alice!"_

And she is the White Queen's champion. What is her purpose? From what she understands now, a queen's champion protects and guards the castle where the queen and her consorts live. It fights for the kingdom in difficult times and ensures that peace always reign.

The Red Queen has a strangely different concept. Her champion is a monstrous beast that kills and destroys everything.

Nervously, Alice puts on her armour, finding it too heavy for a nineteen years old girl. She looks at the image in the mirror and barely recognizes herself. She moves her arms, up and down, trying to get used to the weight. It's not too heavy, but not too comfortable to use it. Or to walk with it. She takes a breath and looks down at the Vorpal Sword. As perfectly pale as the moon in the sky. Beautifully made in silver and steel along with white marble stones, placed side by side, probably made by the gods of this wonderful world.

Alice swallows hard and feels her heart beat faster. She takes the Sword and pretends an attack, from right to left, also getting used to the Sword's weight and flexibility. She had no time to train, to know how to fight, but she is brave enough to give it a try. She knows she has to win, for her own sake she has to win. She can't hid inside a rabbit's hole.

This place was the rabbit's role.

Decided to fight her enemies, Alice leaves the room. Walking through the halls, she hears the noise of the silvery metal hitting the white marble floor. There are no servants there. Everyone is out there waiting for her, for a champion.

Curious, Alice spies through the front door, seeing as she had been right before, everyone is there. Alice sees from afar the look of despondency and sadness evident in the White Queen's delicate face. With her heart in her throat, she pulls away and tries to breathe again.

She freezes, however, when she feels a warm breath on her back. She turns around and looks up. The Bandersnatch is looking at her with his small dark eyes, seems to be asking her to do something, encouraging her to move on, to open the gate and face her destiny. Alice caresses his neck, and he leans in to her soft hands. "I don't know what do to. I never used I sword before."

The Bandersnatch rubs his wet nose against Alice's blonde hair. She smiles at the beast that tried to kill her once and then, saved her life.

"Will you help me?"

The Bandersnatch roars happily, causing Alice to smile more openly. The gates are opened, causing everyone to turn around. The Bandersnatch lopes out. A White Knight astride him; her blonde hair hangs down the back of the shining armour. She holds the Vorpal sword high.

A rousing cheer rises up. Alice smiles at the White Queen, who nods her head and holds her horse's reins.

At the Tulgey Wood, Alice can't even think. She is, after all, walking to what could be not just her ending, but as all those people's ending. She is sweating. She is panting and trembling. Fear washes over her body, making her shiver from her toes to the last strand of her blonde hair. Sword in hand, she tries to focus on what would be her opponent, probably much bigger than her, and, by other people had said, more frightening than her worst nightmares.

As if she had ever had any.

Her vision is a little blurred, and she has to squint to see anything. Tired by the weight of her armour, Alice tries to move her arms again and her gaze rests on the Sword.

She never ever thought of holding a sword in her life. She remembers her mother's telling her what a lady should or not do. Definitely fight for a queen is not one of the things. If Helen saw her younger daughter there, blowing hair, wearing silver heavy armour, sword in hand and without that _damn _corset, she would surely die. Her father, Charles, would laugh, encouragingly her, even telling her how she should attack.

Alice misses him. Every day she sees herself sitting near the window of her bedroom, thinking of her father and his deep, gentle voice. His advices and sweet words would be very useful now. No one understood her like him.

And now he was gone.

Hearing a roar coming from the Bandersnatch, Alice closes her eyes and swallows. She doesn't think of her as the winner of this battle, as the champion to the White Queen, as the hero for the Frabjous day. Not at all. How a mere girl of London, delicate and fragile as we all hoped she was - would kill such a creature? Duly irritated, Alice curses that piece of parchment the inhabitants called "Oracle".

Alice hates feeling helpless. Always hated those who wanted to control her destiny, her life! She always hated when her mother or even her sister scolded about her moods or opinions.

_"A lady should not behave like this, Alice."_

How ironic, I would say. Alice Kingsleigh, the young dreamer, letting her fate to be decided by an old paper.

Her father would laugh.

She does not wish this to be a dream, though. She had once, when she was a little girl, years ago, when she woke up sweating and did not had her father to make her laugh. Since then, she used his tip of pinching herself and kept waking up in her dark room, with the moon illuminating her bed, laughing at her, mocking her foolishness and nights with the same dream.

_"Only one. It's always the same ever since I can remember. Do you think that's normal? Don't most people have different dreams?" _

Doctors and psychologists reported a mental illness, a disease caused by the untimely death of her father, with whom she had a strong connection. Alice laughs at the memory of such men. Fools they were. Madness was not necessarily a bad thing, is not it? Her father told her one night that the best people in the world were crazy, or at least, had a bit of madness in themselves.

Her mind stops as she sees the Red Queen, her Knave and her powerful deck of cards. Why was everything so confusing? Could not they be only men with red armour? There was also much more than cards from number two until number ten. The champion would be the Ace and King was dead for some reason. All so well armed, but clearly sad to have to fight. Alice noticed the how tired they were reluctant to be fighting for someone they despised and hated.

The Bandersnatch kneels on the ground, allowing Alice to come down from his fluffy back. She sighs and looks at the Hatter for a brief moment, smiling as he also smiles at her, a crazy smile, but that makes her feel more confident. Staring once again at all those soldiers, Alice remembers the Hatter's words.

"_You don't slay... Do you have any idea what the Red Queen has done?"_

Now she could wonder. Many soldiers, scattering throughout Wonderland, arresting innocents, burning villages and stealing lives... How many clans, families and victims that woman would make throughout her hatred and bitterness? How many would she kill?

Alice would not allow that to happen. That day, the White Queen's champion would avenge all the innocent.

Looking forward, she sees the White Rabbit blows his trumpet.

"On this the Frabjous Day, the Queens, Red and White shall send forth their champions to do battle on their behalf."

Alice keeps trembling, but watches she scene before her.

Two sisters fighting over a kingdom.

"Jabberwocky!"

Behind the Red Queen, a dark form rises. The March Hare twitches uncontrollably.

"Look up! It's here! Look up!"

Jabberwocky's vast wingspan darkened the clearing. Its swings its reptilian head, whipped its pronged tail, extended one deadly claw and adjusted its vest.

Alice can barely contain her fear.

"But this is impossible."

"Only if you believe it is." Says the Hatter.

His words spark a memory of her father.

She was small, about eight or nine, and after a night of strange dreams, she was always tired, even had dark circles around her little pretty eyes. Her father, with his soft and silent footsteps, penetrated into her room and woke her up with kisses and tickles. She laughed, despite being very tired. Seeing his daughter's state, Charles lay in bed with her, allowing her to sit between his legs. They talked about impossible things, things they would like to do, or about things they did, but that would always be a secret to other people.

Alice feels her lips trembling and whispers:

"Sometimes I believe as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

"An excellent practice…" His green eyes don't leave the beast. "But just at the moment, you should focus on the Jabberwocky."

That's the right answer.

"Where's your champion, little sister?"

Alice frowns. Wasn't that her future mother-in-law's voice?

As bossy and extremely annoying as she remembers. Her huge head always looking forward, demonstrating the authority and power she knew she hadn't. It came to be a need, the need of being seen by people around you.

Alice had seen that kind of feeling coming from her sister's relationship with her husband, Lowell. Margaret starved for her husband's attention and seemed to accept anything he did just not to lose him. Alice always knew her sister's wedding would be no good, but her sister was so in love that there was nothing she could do or say against it.

The Red Queen longed for the affection of her people. And that yearning was evident since the red-haired monarch would do anything to be accepted, to be obeyed.

It was better to be feared than to be loved?

Her massive head, strong temper and lack of patience. So many factors got her mad. The power and lack of affection made her blind by jealousy and the pain of knowing she was alone in the world, even refusing to believe.

Then she let herself be rounded by them, these selfish beings. Despicable. Greedy and full of cowardly. She let hem speak in her ears, tell her lies about favourite games, praising her for her choices of clothing, ways of kill her prisoners. Denouncing the location of the rebels and rewarding them with treasures. All the flattery. She was used to it. But she knew, at heart that, they despised her.

Alice, although not able to understand such a person, feels sorry for her. Even knowing that her evil actions would not bring her more than the hatred of her subjects, the Red Queen continued to pursue them and force them to like her, to love her as they loved her "dear little sister".

Gulping, Alice steps boldly into the clearing, looking straight.

"Here."

She looks up at the huge terrifying creature and it roar at her, trying to appear powerful and make her feel frighten.

It works. The creature was as that nonsense poem had described it.

_Twas brillig, and the slithy toves_

_Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:_

_All mimsy were the borogoves,_

_And the mome raths outgrabe._

_The Jabberwocky with eyes of flame._

_The jaws that bite._

_The claws that catch._

_Beware of the Jabberwocky, my son._

_And the frumious Bandersnatch._

_He took his vorpal sword in hand._

_The vorpal blade went snicker-snack._

_He left it dead, and with its head._

_And he went galumping back._

Yes. Definitely all about her.

"Six impossible things. Count them, Alice." She draws the Vorpal Sword. "One! There's a potion that can make you shrink. Two! There's a cake that can make you grow."

The Jabberwocky seems to be watching her with big purple eyes, strategically studying her movements. As arrogant as his mistress and queen, the great beast seems to laugh at his opponent.

"So my old foe, we meet on the battlefield once again."

Alice is surprised, but then shakes her head, feeling extremely stupid. She should not be surprised by the beast's field of speech. Even stones could speak here!

"We have never met."

"Not you, insignificant bearer!" The Jabberwocky grunts annoyed. Alice doesn't step back, but tries to hold back her tears. "My ancient enemy, the Vorpal one!"

He strikes out suddenly with his spiked tongue. Alice eyes the thing for a moment and lifts the Sword to defend herself. Thinking very quickly, she decides to use the Sword and slices off the Jabberwocky's tongue. It falls to the ground wriggling in the dirt.

The Jabberwocky can only make a burbling sound.

"That's enough chatter."

The Jabberwocky whips its pronged tail and knocks her to the ground. She lies there for a moment, catching her breath and continuing her special six impossible things.

"Three. Animals can talk."

Not so surprising to her, you know. Her father told her once that every living creature could hear what you say; you just need to open your stupid mouth and talk to them. The Jabberwocky drives its spike tail down to stab her. She barely rolls out of its way in time. Faltering, she said out loud:

"Four. Four, Alice!" She pulls herself to her feet. "Cats can disappear."

Not far away, she hears her so dear friend's voice, helping her in a way she expected him to:

"Watch your head!"

She ducks in time to avoid the creature's snapping jaws. She ducks in time to avoid the creature's snapping jaws. It then opens its mouth and purple flames emanate from its throat, light and thunder roaring toward her. Alice uses her shield to defend herself.

Smiling a bit, she takes a breath and says:

"Five. There is a place called Wonderland!"

The Jabberwocky swipes at her with long curved claws. She deflects them.

"Six." She stands still for a moment, and then slowly lifts her head. All fear is gone. There is nothing but fierce intention and bloodlust in her eye. She face the creature and then the Red Queen, who is looking at her surprised, not expecting a girl to fight so well against her favourite pet.

"I can slay the Jabberwocky!"

Alice swings the Sword and attacks with fury. The Jabberwocky too is surprised by her fierceness. He groans and decides to battle.

"Behind you!"

Alice turns, distracted. Claws scrape down the back of her armour. She backs up toward the Hatter, fending off the Jabberwocky.

"I can manage. Thank you!"

She sees the Hatter pulling out his hat, in a gesture of friendship, and smiles at him.

"The Hatter is interfering! Off with his head!"

Alice's heart stops as she sees the Knave of Hearts running toward her friend, sword drawn. The Hatter fights back and the well-ordered duel erupt into a full-scale battle with Alice and the Jabberwocky in the eye of the storm.

Angrily, she attacks again but loses her shield. She curses, wanting to slap herself. Heavens were kind to her, that silver shield would be great now against the flames in her direction all the time. Trapped, she decides that the best defence was a good counter-attack. The Jabberwocky tries to hit her, but misses and misses, until its pointy tail finds her back. She falls and her head hits a stone, what makes he also loses the Sword. For a moment or two, Alice feels as if the world swirls around her. She hears her mother's voice again in her head; she was annoyed, hands in her hips, telling her to act properly, as a lady should.

Her father's laughter makes her heart hurt.

"_Let the girl alone, Helen."_

She wonders what her father would tell her if he saw her in such a situation, fighting for a queen she barely knew and who, by what she had seen, was as crazy as the other inhabitants.

_"Kill the beast, Alice."_

She snorts and rolls to the side, feeling the impact of beast's tail on the ground.

She runs and gets the Sword, making a move to the right. She hits the beast close to its chest, a little significant scratch on its vest. The beast, however, growls and launches more purple flames at her. Hiding behind a column, Alice knows she needs a better plan. She looks around for a few very short seconds knowing that the place in which she found herself was kind of an ancient temple. Columns that resembled the Greek-Roman columns she had studied in her History classes. Architecture was something that had always fascinated her. How mortals could build such wonderful things as the "Coliseum" in Rome or even the castles in London for Queen Victoria?

A mystery indeed.

"Kill her!"

The Red Queen's voice sounds like a roar, mixed with the menacing growl of her pet that, incidentally, had discovered where Alice was hiding. The White Queen's Champion runs and hides a few more times, trying to think of any kind of strategy. She remembers the chess matches against her father. How Charles tried to distract her with smiles, causing the poor girl to forger about her own game. When she least expected, her Horse and Bishop were no longer there, and she soon could hear the words "_Check Mate_". Little Alice then complained, claiming that her father had cheated.

_"A lady shall always be aware of everything."_

Her mother's words. She used to watch their matches with a smile Alice craved to see in days like these. She would miss her smiles everyday of her life.

She closes her eyes and tries not to cry at the memory of her father. He had not taught her how to fight dragons, nor her own feelings and anxieties. Her fears. Perhaps those doctors were right. Perhaps her father's absence provoked her repetitive dreams and now, death stalked her like the Snake to Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Between breathes and sweat, the young lady tries to load the armour on her body to a safer place, away from the dragon. Spots an old staircase, full of mosses with strange colours - like purple -, and decides to climb the stairs.

The Jabberwocky obviously sees her. He tries to bite her and Alice was almost sure she had lost some hair.

Definitely she should have tied her hair.

She narrowly escapes and continues rising. The Jabberwocky curls up on the steps, looking much like a snake, crawling after his prey, so pathetically inferior to it. It spreads its wings and its sharp claws try to undo the fragile structure of the place. Knocks a few stones, but Alice holds on to the ground to keep from falling.

She keeps going, regardless. It was like one of the chess matches against her father. There was no way out for her Horse, the Queen is in danger, and the King is trapped - even Alice knowing that the King had been killed shortly after her first visit to Wonderland.

_"People of Wonderland!"_ She screams in her mind. _"I cannot disappoint them! I cannot run away like I did with Hamish!"_

Just like when the Caterpillar told her she was the "right" Alice.

It was the time, even though she wants to cry with fear.

She holds the Sword firmly and reaches the top of the staircase. From the top, she can see all the gratuitous violence to be exposed before the eyes of all to see. People being injured and dying soldiers wielding swords and spears while healthy monarchs where paralysed. Bayard and Mallymkun takes on the JubJub bird. Chess disappears and reappears to confuse the Red Knights. The Bandersnatch does battle with four Red Knights. The Tweedles fights back-to-back with perfect precision and timing and not a single argument. March Hare stares upward, paralysed with fear until he gets slammed by a Red Knight. Then he goes crazy, throwing things like a wild man.

Alice's heart stops again when she sees her first friend in years - Tarrant - fighting bravely against the man without an eye. Stayne was too arrogant for his own good and would not last long underestimating his enemy.

She turns and comes face to face with the beast. It roars and she feels its saliva on her face. Holding the Sword, she tries strike it, but it was too slender for her lack of experience in close combat.

Between her attacks, Alice leaps onto the Jabberwocky, pulling herself up his scales. It twists and snaps trying to shake her off. The Vorpal Sword practically pulls itself out of her hand in its relentless pursuit of the creature's head. Alice makes her way to the Jabberwocky's vest where she clings trying to slash its neck with the sword. The vest buttons strain with Alice's weight. They snap...one...two...three...only one left holding the vest on by a thread. Alice can barely hold onto the slashing Sword. Just as the last button gives way, she propels herself into the air.

"Off with your head!"

But the beast was faster. Had more luck with her hair and held it between his teeth, throwing the girl far away from him. She falls and falls, as she has before, between household furniture and strange creatures, entering the lair of the white rabbit. Feeling a twinge in her head, her body hits the ground.

The silence was frightening and she thinks she is finally dead. She opens her brown eyes and all she sees were large purple eyes.

After that, she feels the heat caused by the bright purple flames coming from the Jabberwocky's mouth. Everyone stops as her body disappears between the purple flames.

The Red Queen smiles victoriously.

All hope was lost.

* * *

_A/N: Based in Alice's first script. First time here, so I'm sorry if it's not good enough to you. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. TO BE CONTINUED...  
_


	2. Lost Mind

When she opened her eyes, Alice felt like she had woken up from one of her most terrible and frightening nightmares. The fire burning her skin was so real that it seemed that she was still in pain, still feeling the burns all over her body and, at the same time, so horrifically, it was like the heat of the fire was comforting, healing her concerns and ridding her of bad memories. She felt like flying, a cold wind blowing on her smooth and strangely untouched skin.

She let out a sigh of joy and comfort because the feeling of having her mind at peace for the first time in her life was too good to be missed with consistent questions and reasoning to know where the hell she was and why she was not feeling any pain.

The strange fact was not being able to see anything. She didn't know where, but she was sure it was not her bedroom, always illuminated by a candle her father would leave lit, an act that in the past would provoke a disagreement glare from her mother, who always feared the onset of a fire because of a lit candle all night.

Alice frowned upon noticing a cold, wet ground, made of stones and sand, touching her body suddenly. She soon concluded that she had been, surely, floating, as when she entered the rabbit hole, and then fell to the ground like a swan's feather. There was no logic on that wonderful place, so she knew she should not worry so much.

She blushed, however, upon noticing that she was just as unclothed as the day she was born. She swallowed, looking around, afraid that someone would see her, but then again, it was too dark to see anything, right?

Alice sighed, feeling stupid and tried to get up. She cleaned the sand off her naked body and opened and closed her hands, aware that she could not see anything, but sure that her hands felt as soft as before, healthy and without wounds, as if she had never held a sword. She touched her arm, and her eyes widened when she noticed that the scratch made by the Bandersnatch had disappeared, along with the wounds caused by the Jabberwocky's flames.

Her whole body shuddered.

If she was here in this unknown place, where were the others? battle was over? Had she lost? Where was the Jabberwocky? And the Vorpal Sword? Her armour, where it was? The white soldiers? Red soldiers? The Knave of Hearts? The Red Queen? The White Queen?

Where was... The Hatter...?

"Oh, no…"

She panicked, unable to believe what had probably happened. If she was here, she had lost the battle and this meant that the White Queen had lost!

And the Red Queen had kept her crown!

She felt dazed. She felt terrible.

Her head kept spinning and she felt like vomiting. Her stomach was turning, her head ached and her eyes stung. The tears have already begun to form. Soon they were wetting her delicate and now red face, making her look like a tomato.

Soon she fell on her knees to the ground and tried to hold back the sobs.

It was in vain. And even if she ever wanted to stop crying, it might not be possible. Guilt gnawed her. Just like a parasite, weakening her system, her freaking mind, but hey, she was once considered crazy, crazy enough to believe that a place like Wonderland was as real as the sunshine on a spring morning, then who know, it was not so bad.

Maybe there was a way to fix things and… Save the ones she had probably sentenced to death.

She remembered the White Queen's words when she first came to Marmoreal, and also remembered what she saw in Salazem Grum. She had been too arrogant for thinking that the Red Queen had never done anything to the White Queen.

"_Oh yes, I can." _

The White Queen's expression told Alice everything she needed to know and the tone of her voice expressed her perplexity, as saying "how can you think I don't? She's my sister, remember?"

And probably no one knew the Red Queen better then the White Queen.

"…_But when a champion steps forth to slay the Jabberwocky, the people will rise against her."_

Alice felt guilty. Oh, poor White Queen! Alice still remembered the hopeful smile that the monarch had in her beautiful and angelic face when she saw her entering the White Castle's Hall. The expression of happiness that dominated her, the relief in having the Vorpal Sword in her hands once again.

Alice feared, but her heart told her that most likely the white-haired monarch was dead by now.

Along with the others. The Dormouse, the March Hare, Chester, the Bandersnatch, Bayard, his mate and their puppies...

The Hatter...

Her best friend. One of the few people that ever wanted to understand her and now he was dead. Who knows, luckily, was turned into a slave; after all he was the last of his clan… And as leader of the rebellion, Alice doubted that the Red Queen would save his life again. He had already expressed his absolute loyalty to the White Queen, and it was unlikely that he had abandoned her

Angrily, Alice slammed her fists on the cold, damp ground until her hands could no longer bear the pain of the punches.

"How could I have done that to them?!" She screamed. "How could I believe that would be able to defeat a beast?! Stupid! Stupid! They trusted me and now they are dead! They-..." Her voice trailed off and she rested her forehead on the floor, not caring if the earth and sand fouled her skin.

Nothing else mattered now. They were dead. All those she had loved - yes, loved - were gone.

Because of her. She wished from the bottom of her heart that everything was nothing but an awful dream, but she knew it wasn't, because her mind brought her memories of her first visit to that wonderful place very clearly. Since her first fall down the rabbit hole to the visit to the Mad Hatter and beyond, when she was foolish enough to paint the white roses of crimson ink, attracting the curious eyes of the Red Queen, who then brought her into a cricket match which she barely remembered the rules and worse, could barely hold her bat - a grey flamingo full of injuries.

Just like a wolf, she growled and took a bit of sand in hands. Strangely, it smelled like sugar, but Alice laughed hysterically, knowing that madness probably already had taken care of her mind. She threw it away, screaming again.

Rage was consuming her. She understood now why the Hatter hated the Red Queen. For her wickedness and cruelty. For her malice and wickedness. For her large head and cold, lifeless heart.

For her castle's moat full of heads bobbing in the blood.

"Forgive me." She cried and cried until she couldn't anymore.

She never felt so lost in all her life.

* * *

_A/N: So, after so many months, I finally came up with a new chapter. I'm deeply sorry for taking so long, but law college took all my time. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if it was a short one. I promise to come with a new one as soon as possible!_


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